"Addiction" is woke.

Passive-aggressive introverted narcissism (PAIN)

Feb 25, 2026

My article on porn addiction is now my most popular article; I don’t think I will top that for a while.1 The most common criticism I got was that “you don’t understand addiction.” This is very revealing.

This is how woke people behave:

me: “Hey, your problem isn’t real. You just made that up.”
woke: “You don’t understand. You’re not qualified to say that. You’re not an expert.”
me: “No, that’s not how science works. There’s no empirical data to support your problem being real. You can’t just emotionally terrorize me with vague appeals to authority. I am smarter than you. I have done more research than you. You are emotionally biased and defending your position out of self-interest — not the pursuit of truth.”
woke: “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. YOU’RE NOT QUALIFIED TO SAY THAT. YOU’RE NOT AN EXPERT.”

Around and around we go.

When I say “woke,” I am also, of course, including right-wingers.

Really “woke” is just short-hand for “narcissist manipulators.”

Examples of Woke Centrism

According to MAGA conservatives, the worst trends of 2025 are:

Vaccines causing a massive increase in autism
Woke groomers causing a massive increase in transgenderism
Lust and the internet causing porn addiction

Naturally, I am skeptical of all these theories of causation, but we cannot deny the effects:

More people are being diagnosed with autism than ever before, and social anxiety and male loneliness are one the rise
More young people are LGBTQ+ than ever before
Porn use is on the rise, including some very specific and extreme fetishes, like interracial cuckoldry, incest, furries, and bestiality (lions, tigers, bears, etc)

Rather than blame these things on "the internet," K-12 teachers, or vaccines, I have an alternative theory:

Passive-Aggressive Introverted Narcissism (PAIN)

Narcissism is a trait which all humans possess to one degree or another. Everyone except Jesus and the Buddha are on the narcissist spectrum.

Narcissism can be split into two categories: introverted and extroverted. Extroverted narcissism is “concern over appearance.” Being extro-narcissistic, to an extent, is actually necessary for pro-social behavior. You have to comb your hair, iron your shirts, and “looksmax” if you want to get a job or a girlfriend.

Introverted narcissism, on the other hand, is “concern over the internal self.” This is a slightly different phenomenon, and harder to describe, because it has nothing to do with visible traits. At the extreme, intro-narcissism manifests as egotism, solipsism, and self-obsession. It doesn’t require self-love — it is actually more commonly expressed as self-hatred. People who say “I am addicted to porn,” or “I am a sex abuse victim” are more likely to be intro-narcissistic.

Hey, you’re blaming the victim!

Let’s be precise: I am not saying that people who are raped are necessarily narcissistic; I am saying that people whose sole public identity revolves around their experience of sexual discomfort tend to be more narcissistic. You could ever argue that rape causes people to become narcissistic, and narcissism is an unfortunate side-effect of rape.

Here’s a good test of my theory:

Let’s say that you, dear reader, were raped. This causes you PTSD; you can no longer achieve sexual intimacy; you are uncomfortable in your own body. Now, let’s say that I had a memory suppression machine, that could physically lobotomize the part of your brain which controls your memory, and erase the memory of your rape. This would remove your PTSD, return your sexual intimacy, and bring you comfort in your own body. Do you take the deal?

If you’re a narcissist, absolutely not. You want to protect your identity, which now revolves around being a victim. Similarly, a “porn addict” has made themselves into a victim of “the porn industry,” and if I offered them a cure, they would also reject it.

But Deep Left, the memory suppression machine does not exist!

Yes it does, actually. It’s called “don’t think about that and focus on something else.”

But Deep Left, that’s just victim blaming!

We’re going in circles. Again, the narcissist will argue eternally because they are not interested in curing the condition; they are interested in self-obsession. That is their goal.

Those who think *only* of themselves are maximally narcissistic, while those who think *never* of themselves are minimally narcissistic. Victims are inherently narcissistic, by definition.

But Deep Left, victims have earned the right to be narcissistic!

Cool — that doesn’t negate anything that I’ve said. That is just moralizing, and I am totally disinterested in such arbitrary moral prescriptions.

Narcissism vs Codepedence

Codependence is a desire to serve or be submissive to another person. A woman whose boyfriend beats her, and she blames herself for the abuse, is codependent. But codependence and narcissism are not necessarily opposites, and can coexist within the same personality.

For example, someone whose entire life revolves around helping others, but who constantly complains about their burdens and makes a spectacle out of it. For example, Munchhausen Syndrome by Proxy.

Imagine a highly neurotic mother with a NEET son. The mother’s life is dedicated to cleaning and cooking for her deadbeat son. At every opportunity possible, the mother berates, criticizes, and complains about her “loser” son, calling him names, degrading him, humiliating him.

One day, her son gets a job, moves out, and leaves his mother. The result is that his mother becomes severely depressed and calls him frequently, berating him for neglecting her, abandoning her, and never visiting or taking care of “your poor old mother”!

Clearly, this woman is codependent, in that she feels a desire to take care of someone else. However, at the same time, she is also narcissistic, in that she makes a spectacle out of her own suffering and enjoys humiliating others and feeling power over them.

To give a contrast to this example:

Imagine a boyfriend who relies upon his girlfriend to do everything for him. She cooks, cleans, and listens to him rant and rave. When his girlfriend finally leaves him, he becomes depressed and unable to function.

Clearly, the boyfriend was dependent on his girlfriend for his basic needs, but because he never put himself in a submissive or subservient position, he was not perceived as “codependent.”

Domineering narcissism is a form of superior or active codependence, while what we typically refer to as codependence is inferior or passive narcissism. But the two traits can overlap.

Narcissism and codependence are related to domination and submission, sadism and masochism:

A narcissist enjoys hurting others, dominating others, spying on them, snooping, invading privacy, crossing boundaries, feeling powerful, being the center of attention, being served, and being in control.
A codependent enjoys being hurt, being dominated, being told what to do, being ordered around, feeling controlled, being an extension of someone else, and serving a master.

Of course, there are other types of human relationships outside of narcissism and codependence:

Cooperative relationships, in which neither party attempts to dominate or be dominated
Object-oriented relationships, in which the locus of power exists within a process or plan

Passive-Aggressive Narcissism

Extroverted Narcissism is a form of neuroticism focused on receiving attention, power, or control. When an extro-narcissist is denied attention, power, or control, this enrages them.

Aggressive narcissists express their extro-narcissistic rage by yelling, screaming, throwing things, punching walls, or hitting people. Aggressive narcissists are typically violent and unable to control themselves when sufficiently enraged. It’s very scary dealing with an extro-narcissist — it’s very similar to dealing with a dog who bites.

Once a dog has reached a certain level of aggression, if you stand between the dog and the “target” of its aggression, it will very quickly “re-target” its aggression onto you. You can see this sometimes in fight videos online, where a woman stands between two men, and gets punched by one of the men. We are not so different from animals, after all.

It is possible for a person to be aggressive without being a narcissist. For example, someone could be codependent and aggressive at the same time. A good example of this would be the "mother bear" archetype, or the "overprotective boyfriend" archetype. These types of people are aggressive, in that they are quick to yell, scream, or become physically violent with others, but not in service of their power, control, or attention, but rather in defense of those they feel obligated to protect.2

Consider the case of an aggressive codependent boyfriend who has a narcissistic girlfriend. His girlfriend cheats on him with other men. Instead of getting angry at his girlfriend (who he is dependent on and submissive to), he tries to fight the men having sex with his girlfriend. The famous Will Smith slap was an example of a codependent partner (unable to leave his cheating, domineering wife) lashing out aggressively in defense of her.

Will Smith's Slap, and the Ecstatic Blur That Followed, at the Oscars | The New Yorker

Aggression and narcissism are not identical. Passive-aggressive narcissism is a more adaptive form of narcissism, since it results in less physical violence and thus less disciplinary consequences.

Rather than yelling, screaming, or throwing things around, when a passive-aggressive narcissist is enraged, they will engage in the following behaviors:

Neglect - deliberately ignoring the people around them, sometimes by avoiding eye contact. Pretending that the people around them don't exist. Avoidance of eye contact is often confused with autism.
Dissociation - If forced to interact, the passive-aggressive narcissist can dissociate by taking on a flat affect or monotone, answering in quick, short, one-word responses. Flat affect is also confused with autism.
Sarcasm - A classic passive-aggressive move is to become sarcastic.

Some of these traits are associated with autism, while others are associated with "teenage angst." Teenage angst can be redefined as a form of passive-aggressive narcissism. Rob Henderson is right (I just think old people are worse).

Introverted Narcissism

Narcissists aren’t always extroverted. Extro-narcissists like attention, however, when exposed to specific forms of socialization, narcissists become exhausted. This exhaustion is a product of the effort involved in suppressing their own simmering rage.

What distinguishes introverted narcissism from general introversion is that introverted narcissists love being the center of attention, but hate all other forms of social interaction. I know that sounds like a contradiction, but I will explain.

Here’s a classic way to distinguish introverts, extroverts, and introverted narcissists:

An introvert hates talking to strangers; it makes them anxious and afraid.
An extrovert loves social gatherings like parties, concerts, bars, and anything where people are. They enjoy being around other people, even if they are not the center of attention.
An introverted narcissist *seems* to be introverted at first, because they hate parties, concerts, and bars. However, if you ask them to talk about themselves, or an area where they feel they have power or control (a certain hobby or topic of interest), they will drone on endlessly.

Introverted narcissists can seem quiet, shy, grumpy, or stand-offish at first. But once you show them some level of subservient and willingness to tolerate their monologue, once they see some opening, they will begin their narcissistic performance.

“Porn Addiction” and PAIN

My argument in this essay is that most of what people diagnose as Aspergers is actually Passive-Aggressive Introverted Narcissism (PAIN). It is possible that these two diagnoses are distinct but overlapping phenomena. However, in the case of so-called “porn addiction,” it's my belief that 100% of people who claim to be "“porn addicts” are in the PAIN category.

Take this example:

A PAINarcissist has just been ignored, snubbed, or deprived of their sense of power. This could include petty and insignificant acts, like:

Not being the center of attention at a party
Having someone show up 5 minutes late to an event
Being refused / not allow to violate someone else’s boundaries (“hey, please don’t touch me / please don’t speak to me that way”)

As a result, the PAIN-Narcissist experiences narcissistic rage. However, it is not aggressive, and it is not extroverted.

As a result, no one can tell that the PAINarcissist is experiencing rage. As their introversion and passive-aggression intensifies, PAINarcissists will retreat and escape from socialization in order to engage in fantasies of power and control.

What does this have to do with porn?

Extreme porn fetishes, including interracial cuckoldry, bestiality, and incest all include a strong focus on narcissistic control. As the voyeur, the narcissist places themselves in a supreme position of power. In their imagination, the "victims" in the porn that they watch are pawns under their control.

All of these fetishes focus on secrecy and humiliation, and represent an implicit kind of blackmail. The narcissist desires, above all, to be superior, and nothing makes them feel more superior than watching others engage in anti-social, taboo, or masochistic acts of self-inflicted degradation.

Narcissists who are aggressive and extroverted might seek to act out these fantasies in real life, by putting themselves in the active position of a dominator. PAINarcissists avoid this kind of risk, and prefer to live out their fantasies vicariously in a more controlled setting, that of the internet porn simulation.

Whereas real life is messy and involves the risk of rejection or failure (erectile dysfunction, for example), porn allows for total control via the observation, selection, archiving, and cataloguing of various porn videos.

So-called “porn addiction” is just the Passive-Aggressive Introverted Narcissist's way of engaging in a power fantasy wherein they are simulating control and dominance over thousands or even millions of manipulated, humiliated pawns.

Vicarious Aggression

Passive-aggression is a form of sublimated, mediated, or deferred aggression. It is not a negation of aggression, but a transference.

In so-called porn “addiction,” the desire to defile, dominate, and humiliate is projected onto the fantasy.

It is fairly easy to understand how various fetishes are a form of passive-aggressive narcissism. Men who enjoy seeing women being "ruined" are playing out a power fantasy from the point of view of the voyeur-observer.

For the active or aggressive narcissist, real sex is preferred over porn, because the active narcissist prefers to be in “the driver's seat.” By contrast, for the passive-aggressive narcissist, porn is preferred over sex, because being in the “observation deck” is felt to be a greater position of power.

Passive-aggressive narcissists also obsess over “political pornography.” This includes any big-picture, grand sweeping theories, generalizations, or “civilizational” ideas. It is common to see them obsess over politics, maps, or other grandiose, larger-than-life projects — they love LARPing.

Remember, this is a spectrum of behavior. If you like this stuff, it doesn’t mean that you are pathological, just that you are on the spectrum.

Here are some examples of passive-aggressive narcissistic behavior:

Meticulously redrawing a map of what Europe would look like if the Nazis won, down to the names of individuals towns and cities

Re-writing the United States constitution in an alternative history universe where there was a Bolshevik takeover in 1932
Creating their own fictional universe or religion, particularly if that universe or religion includes acts of humiliation or sadism.

Bonus on Zionism:

Since I’ve been not-so-subtly jabbing at Nazis and wokes in this post, let me also take a jab at Judaism and Zionists:

The Bible, in describing the Israelites circumcising and slaughtering their enemies, was clearly written by Passive-Aggressive Narcissists. A text which describes humiliation and sadism in detail, while the author is a hunched over priest who never exerts himself physically, is maximally passive-aggressive. Over centuries, the worship of such a text in the absence of any actualized military force only heightens the oxymoronic intensity, which is now being resolved and externalized in the aggressive actions of Israel.

Conclusion

The traits I am describing are on a spectrum. They exist because they are, to one degree or another, beneficial. I am not trying to pathologize all human behavior, but to explain the roots of certain extreme behaviors, like porn fetishes, map fetishes, and political fetishes.

I am a big old hypocrite and guilty of everything I describe, to one degree or another. My purpose here isn’t to BTFO my opponents, but to understand the psychological mechanisms which drive humans to act as they do.