Tomboys, Bimbos: Tripartite Sex Archetypes
False dichotomies.
Twitter churns out daily trolley problems. The tomboy, or the bimbo? Any answer is wrong, and will generate an endless stream of controversy. Defend the tomboy, and you’ve incited a riot. Defend the bimbo, and civilization itself will collapse. The wisest among us ignore the conflict. The smarmy among us choose a third position.
The tomboy is the blue collar fantasy — Lara Croft, Xena Warrior Princess, Samus Aran, and Ronda Rousey. The bimbo is a fantasy of the RedPill grift-guzzler — the trad wife, trophy wife, Melania Trump, the OnlyFans girl, the Instagram model, the fly-her-to-Dubai, the needs-plastic-surgery-every-10,000-miles girl. One of these women is secretly having sex with her BJJ instructor, while the other secretly hates you and her personality is about as real as her makeup routine.
Ok, I’m too harsh. There are many loyal, genuine and honest women of all shapes and sizes, species and colors, blah blah blah. The point here is not to hate on any particular end of this spectrum, as that has been done to death. Instead, it is to propose a tripartite model of sexual archetypes.
The third position is not just a moderate, sensible centrism between two extremes. The third hidden archetype is beyond the rough-and-tumble tomboys and the done-up bimbos. It is esoteric and obscure, but not because it is uncommon. Rather it is imperceptible, like the ocean to the fish. The third archetype is not flashy or attention-seeking. It does not distinguish itself “from the other girls,” but is subdued. Its physical appearance conforms not to any extreme, but mutes itself to not stand out.
Various names have been assigned to this type. The nerdy girl, the bookworm, the college student, the intellectual, the girl who likes poetry, The Girl Next Door. Taylor Swift has captured this demographic — not quite tomboys, not quite bimbos, but some lost middle in between. The term “girl next door” was used to describe a girl, not as popular as a bimbo, not as extroverted or masculine as a tomboy, but who was simply normal. Swift has been their queen, a fantasy for them, what they would look like if they were just “a little bit prettier,” but with the inner soul and quiet simplicity of a “girl next door.” Swift captures a sweet spot, a niche between the extremes of the bimbo1 and the middle ground of this “girl next door.”
Later in life, after putting up with enough bullshit, the Next Door girl may have moments of “Karen.” Why does this subdued type act out as a Karen? Whereas the tomboy will wrestle you in the mud (or get her blue collar man to fight on her behalf), and the bimbo will plot her revenge (maybe she also has a frat boy who will fight for her), the subdued type must fight for herself, not with fists, but with words. This is not to say that all members of this type are Karens, but it is to say that tomboys and bimbos don’t fit the typical stereotype of a Karen.
Unless she is provoked by extreme stress or a mid-life crisis, the “girl next door” is focused, first and foremost, on harm avoidance. She cannot fit into the bimbo crowd, because the pressure, drama, tension, and effort of being popular is too intense. Being a bimbo requires a constant political balancing act between allies and enemies. Mean Girls (2004) was a documentary. On the other had, “putting herself out there” as a tomboy, being “one of the boys” has its own risks. Being surrounded by men, doing male-dominated activities, and competing with men opens one up to bullying, jokes at your expense, and disrespect. Both revolve around gaining male or female attention, and are sexually threatening. Neither of these roles is easy to fulfill.
Part of the identity of a tomgirl or bimbo is to constantly differentiate herself, that she is “not like the other girls.” This is animated by a spirit of uniqueness and individuality, the desire to stand out. The “girl next door” does not share this bravado and confidence. Instead, these women are comfortable with getting good grades, doing some makeup (but not too much), doing a little bit of jogging or yoga (but not getting jacked), going to some parties (but not all of them), and so on.
The “girl next door” is inherently mediocre. She does not blow you away with her hog wrangling skills or workout routine. She is not a bombshell or a glittering emulation of a drag queen. But this is why we love her. The girl next door is smart, good at organizing files, has a college degree, and is trying to improve her “work-life balance.” One of the reasons why the “girl next door” does not raise her hand in the midst of this debate to say, “hey! What about me! I’m over here!,” is because this is against her nature. When men (and women) start declaring accents illegal, or get riled up by racial or ethnic tensions, the “girl next door” just stays out of it. Her attitude is largely passive. She’s not looking to get famous or make a name for herself. Her favorite activity is being in bed, wearing wool socks, getting cozy, taking a nice bath, reading a book in a park on a sunny day, playing a dumb game on her iPhone, and listening to the new Taylor Swift album.
One of the failings of the “Next Door” girls is that their “go along to get along” attitude lands them in the corporate world. Whereas the tomboy has found herself on a 10 acre ranch with a bunch of kids, and the bimbo has married a rich guy with a yacht, the “Next Door” girl is stuck in a job that is kind of annoying. The dating pool kind of sucks. The majority of guys are less educated than her, which is gross. Those who have something interesting going on (a passion, a job, a house) are hard to find. It’s a depressing vision.
If she can be wrested from the default track of careerism, her spirit of moderation possesses a wonderful instinct for motherhood. Children don’t need a mom who can shoot a gun or “buss it down” — they need a mom who loves, cares, and is patient. Hidden away in a cubicle (or working from home), the Next Door girl is an uncut gem. She won’t remind you that she exists, but secretly, Next Door girl is best girl.
Nicki Minaj, Lady Gaga, Megan the Stallion go so far past the bimbo ideal that they become almost masculine. Hannah Montana’s transition to Miley Cyrus went all the way from girl next door to ultra-bimbo.