Reviewing the NYC Mayoral Debate

i hate new york.

It’s time to review the NYC Mayoral Debate. If you want to follow along with my timestamps, I’ll be using this link.

3:30 — We start off with housing. New Yorkers want cheaper housing, more housing. My response?

New York should be taxed into oblivion. If I was President, I’d pass a federal property tax bill that would make every resident of New York pay $10,000 just to breathe the air.

The result? A mass exodus from New York. Of course the productive people would be left behind — the bankers and finance guys, mostly. But the rest would scram.

We don’t need New York City, or New Yorkers. We don’t need New York culture. City-based nationalism is just as dumb as county-based nationalism.

Ideally, millions of New Yorkers would find a home elsewhere. Maybe they can move to Texas or Florida. If they don’t like the heat, maybe they can move to Idaho.

There is no reason to try to save New York. The city is underwater. Climate change is real, and no amount of subsidies for Tesla is going to change that. The entire city should be evacuated, cleaned out, with the slums and Section 8 bulldozed and made into a national park.

6:30 — Andrew Cuomo looks absolutely terrible. Dude used to be a stud. Ozempic destroyed his muscle mass. Disgusting.

8:50 — the Jamaican guy looks the best. Everyone else looks like a corpse or a clown.

12:20 — I went to NYC during “COVID,” which was a hoax. I am pro-vaccine, but businesses were quite literally asking for vaccine cards. Bill de Blasio is a criminal and should be nagged into a state of sadness.

15:30 — Apparently Mamdani is bragging about helping… taxi drivers. The fact that taxi drivers even exist anymore is silly.

18:00 — The way they’re treating Cuomo is the same way that Trump is treated. All of these questions about lying, and Cuomo on the defensive.

20:30 — I see no problem with immigrants in New York. Most of these people annoy me. The existence of this Kafkaesque city annoys me. But the immigrant issue doesn’t animate me the way it animates Republicans.

23:00 — I just noticed that they have a sign language interpreter instead of just providing closed-captioning. Wokeness is still going strong.

24:30 — There’s some blue-eyed Anglo-looking white guy making a lot of sense. It’s Whitney Tilson, who should just be appointed Mayor by a small cabal of cigar smoking pot-bellied fat cats.

29:00 — Everyone is afraid to attack the NYPD. Murder is down though:

The NYPD is probably a bloated and ineffective organization. I’m sure you could cut funding without increasing crime.

32:00 — lmfao, “we need to make crime illegal.” It probably makes sense to put a cop on every Subway ride.

33:30 — Blake wants a mental health professional on every Subway ride, so a therapist can flail around as a homeless guy screams at her.

35:00 — As mayor of New York, I will be bringing in the FBI to kidnap homeless people and deport them to Kansas or Haiti, depending on whether they can speak coherent English or not.

39:30 — Ramos claims we need TREATMENT FOR KLEPTOMANIA. Oh my lord. We’re really going there. How about treatment for homocidophilia?

41:30 — Blake is saying that poverty causes crime. Probably not true given the rates of theft in much poorer countries.

44:00 — Brad Lander is probably the worst looking person on the stage. Weird, creepy guy. And I’m saying this as a fan of Harvey Weinstein and Anthony Weiner.

47:30 — The Hispanic lady is arguing that we need to educate bike riders in Spanish to stop smashing into old people. They’re talking about speed limits. Maybe the solution is just to ban pedestrians?

51:00 — Blake just said communities of color. If they’re a community, maybe they should have some kind of special representation for their community, and the rest of New York can have a Mayor. You can either be an American or be some special other thing and go live on an Indian Reservation. Anyone who speaks about “communities of _” doesn’t deserve a vote.

56:00 — They’re saying Cuomo harassed women. The problem for me is that he is old. I think if he was younger this wouldn’t be a problem. Reminds me a lot of Michael Bloomberg.

59:00 — Break time. The 30-second response format is so gay. Make it 5 minutes. Give the 10 people 5 minutes each to make their case, then have 1-minute responses for 5 questions. It would take 100 minutes instead of 120 minutes and you could actually hear them talk.

1:04:00 — I am totally against DOGE and federal cuts to funding. Harvard is awesome. USAID is awesome. The War in Ukraine is awesome. I want more war, more gay kids studying anal sex, more African vaccines. What I think is stupid is local spending. I would defund all local spending.

1:09:00 — I sort of like Mamdani for the wrong reasons. He wants to raise taxes, which will cause a mass exodus from the city.

1:09:30 — Blake’s wife is Honduran? You know he be lovin’ those Latinas.

1:12:00 — Ms. Adams talking about Sanctuary Cities. Ramos is now going full Spanish mode. I should write an article at some point about why we need to ban French from the classroom and only teach Spanish.

1:15:00 — Apparently Rudy Giuliani used to support sanctuary cities? Yes, it’s true.

1:17:00 — Lol, Andrew Cuomo said that Obama did a “shuck and jive.” Probably as a Clinton surrogate. 2008 truly was “pre-woke.”

1:18:00 — Public schools need to be a daycare facility with the option to test into a real school. $36k per student is absurd.

1:22:00 — It’s so sick that these schools have names like “PS07.” What a weird and sick place.

1:23:00 — They’re talking about iPads. iPads are the greatest scam of all time. I can sort of understand the desire to tariff Apple out of existence given its terrible tech.

1:27:00 — Abundance shout out. I will follow this Whitney guy into battle. Unfortunately I’m sure he’s polling at 1% or something. I think democracy seems like a good idea for Congress, Senators, Governors, Presidents, but this feels wrong. Maybe New York should be an independent state or something, with its own governor. The idea of having a mayor ruling over 8 million people seems a bit much. Like, a mayor should rule over a few hundred thousand, at most. This is just overwhelming to think about.

1:32:30 — This Brad Lander guy needs to put his nose down. His nose is sticking straight up. Are there boobs painted on the ceiling? Lower your chin dude.

1:35:00 — Obviously there is a zoning problem. Abolish all height limits. But also just get people out of the city.

1:37:00 — Mamdani is going to freeze the rent. Again, I think he’s so bad that he’s good. He’s going to destroy the city and cause a mass exodus. Sounds awesome to me — migration is good!

Can we just take a moment to appreciate the power stance of Whitney? Everyone else has their heels together like a cuck. Whitney is manspreading like a boss. He’s so much taller than everyone he has to widen his stance just to level the playing field. Neo-liberals just do it better.

1:41:00 — Lmfao Blake is a Reverend. I want to become a Reverend too — why do black people get to be Reverends? I want to be revered.

1:43:00 — The black woman is talking about safe spaces. Please go back to 2022. Update your dictionary.

1:44:00 — I wish Mamdani would just say “we don’t have an antisemitism problem, we have a Zionist occupation problem.” I’m tired of wringing my hands over antisemitism. In my mind, there are two extremists: actual antisemites (Tucker, Candace) and the anti-antisemites (Trump, all of these Democrats complaining about antisemitism). I’m just so tired and exhausted of hearing from both of these sides. Anti-Zionism has nothing to do with antisemitism. Two completely different phenomena.

1:49:30 — ChatGPT shout out. Whitney calls out “left wing madness driving away Amazon.” Sounds accurate. Whitney for President — won’t happen, it’s Buttigieg vs AOC. But I have fantasies.

1:52:00 — Hispanic keeps talking about transitioning AI and protecting workers. If your job can be done by AI, you deserve nothing. Go smoke crack.

To be clear, plumbers and electricians will not be hurt by AI. It’s catladies doing they excel sheets.

1:56:00 — Apparently helicopter noise is a problem. I hate noise, so I am sympathetic to this. However, I mostly hate noise because it is caused by poor chuds and low conscientiousness garbage. Single moms yelling at they baby daddies; Mexicans playing music at 2am on a Saturday; Boomers on Harley motorcycles. But if a rich guy wants to fly his helicopter around the city, I think that’s acceptable.

Conclusion.

If you believe in climate change, then the existence of New York City is a mistake that needs to be corrected. All poor people should be banned from the city and relocated elsewhere. Atlanta, Dallas, Detroit, Chicago, or St. Louis are all acceptable alternatives.

COVID was a nightmare I would like to see never repeated. The fact that Biden ended the lockdowns restored my faith in the Democratic Party. But hearing the issue brought up again triggered me.

Whitney was the best on policy, but Blake dominated by virtue of being handsome, well-spoken, and confident. Mamdani has a really weird smile that no one talks about — he looks like the Joker. Cuomo got way too thin on Ozempic and lost his muscle mass. I think Mamdani for Mayor would be the funniest outcome, just because he would burn the city to the ground. Blake as Mayor would be a slower burn. Cuomo might actually solve some problems, which is bad in the long term, because the city should be expelling people, not inviting them in.

Not sure how Eric Adams is polling. Last I checked he had 11% vs Cuomo at 31%.

Ok, Polymarket is giving Mr. Adams a 5% chance. It’s sort of confusing because there’s also a Mrs. Adams running.

I have no clue whether or not Adams is better or worse than Cuomo. I’m sad that Eric wasn’t at the debate, although there were already too many people on stage. But it would have been entertaining to have Adams, Cuomo, Mamdani, and Blake.

It’s funny how people talk about how Kamala Harris is unlikeable but I found her to be more likeable than 90% of people on that stage. Mamdani has a smarmy smile; Cuomo is skinny and old; Blake did better but the Jamaican angle doesn’t play on a national stage (black people hate Jamaicans, according to Tariq Nasheed).

In terms of policy too, I think Kamala Harris is far right compared with most of these lunatics. Or Clinton. New York politics is just fucked. You know all of these people understand on a deep level that they are parasites sucking at the teat of a dying city. The civilization is fine — it’s the city that has been running off fumes for the last 40 years. I’ve never liked the place. Dirty, smelly, loud, ugly.

Maybe that’s just because I’m not rich enough. I’m sure if you’re a Trump then New York is a really fun time, with the clubs and such. But that kind of Costco members-only exclusivity can be transported anywhere. Doesn’t need to be New York.

As Mayor of New York, I would make a promise to rebuild a 1:1 scale replica of New York in Salina, Kansas (absent the waterfront). Or maybe even with a terraformed waterfront…